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Myboyfriendoftwoyearslosthisjobsixmonthsagoandisnowlosinghisapartment.Hex19saskedtostaywithmebecausehedoesnx19twanttomovebackhomewithhismother.IfeelbadforhimbutIdonx19treallywanttolivewithhim.WhatdoIdox14F.J.Hex19sjoblessandbroke.Andsincesomanymentendtodefinetheirworthbytheirabilitytoprovideandhex19sgotnofinancestocontributehex19slikelybrokentoo.Movinginmightbeacome-upforhimbutitx19slikelytobelivinghellforyou.Hedoesnx19thaveenoughmoneytomaintainahomeofhisownwhichmeanshex19llbelivingoffyou.BillsgroceriesrentormortgageAllyouyouyouandyou.Ifyoutwowerelivingtogetherasanunmarriedcouplex14moreorlessplayinghusbandandwifex14therex19dbenoquestionthatyoushouldcoverhim.Youwanttoplaywifethenyoudowifelydutywhichwouldbetopickuphisslackandmakethebestofit.Butyouhavenx19tmovedintogetherforareasonanddecidingtodosohastilyandforhisfinancialreasonswouldbeabadmove.Hewonx19tbedestituteandlivingonthestreetsifyoudonx19tsayyes.Hex19llbeathomewithMom.Tellhimyoux19renotupforthischallengeanddonx19tthinkitx19sinthebestinterestofyourrelationship.Suggestotherwaysyoucanhelpwithoutreachingintoyourpocketbooktofundthistransition.Doesheneedhelpjob-searchingrestructuringhisrsumpracticinghisinterviewskillsThatx19syourgirlfrienddutytopitchin.Financiallycoveringorsupportinghisbasicneedswhilehex19sunemployedisnot.Evenunderthebestofcircumstanceslivingwithsomeoneisahugeundertaking.Itsoundsfunintheoryanditisintheearlystagesallaccessx14anditcertainlycanbeconvenientcheaperrentx14buttherex19salotmoretocohabitationthanthat.Youx19reliterallysharingyourlifeandinterminglingyourfinances.Thatisamajorcommitmentlikeamarriagebutwithoutitsbenefits.PeopleoftenaskmewhatIthinkaboutcohabitatingbeforemarriageandmyanswerisoftenx1cWellitdepends.x1dTherex19snodefinitivestancethewaythereisforwhattodoifyourspouseassaultsyouleavenoquestionorifyoucatchhimorherinthephysicalactofcheatingleavenoquestion.Forawhilemyanswerwasx1cDonx19tdoitReconsiderReadsomeliteraturex1dButthenIreada2010studybytheNationalCenterforHealthStatisticsthatdebunkedthelong-heldbeliefthatcoupleswhocohabitatebeforemarriagearemorelikelytodivorce.Thestudyfoundthatinanerawhenabouttwo-thirdsofcoupleswhomarrylivetogetherfirsttherearefewdifferencesbetweenthosewhocohabitateandthosewhodonx19t.Ofthosewhohadevercohabitatedbeforemarriagetheprobabilitythattheyx19dstillbetogetherafter10yearsis60percentforwomen.Meanwhilethosewhodidnotcohabitatehavea66percentchanceofstillbeingmarriedafteradecade.Whethermovingintogetherisrightdependsonthecouplex19sspecificsituation.IfyouchoosetocohabitateasatestrunformarriageIgetit.Truthfullyyoudonx19tknowanyoneuntilyoulivewiththatperson.Itx19safacttowhichanyonewhox19seversharedadormroomorapartmentwitheventheirsame-sexbestfriendcantestify.AndforthatreasonItotallygetwhyacouplewouldwanttosharethesamespaceandfeeleachotheroutandknowiftheycancommittoforever-ever.Inthiscaseevenifcohabitationx14andbyproxytherelationshipx14doesnx19tworkoutitx19sbettertoknowthatyourconflictscanx19tbeovercomepriortobeinglockedintomarriage.Butcohabitatingwithoutanendgoaljustisnx19tawisemove.Ix19vecounseledtoomanywomenwhomovedinwiththeirpartnersthinkingthatitmeanttherelationshipwasgoingx1csomewherex1danditwasreallyjustaconvenientandtemporarysetupfortheirsignificantother.Theytookonalltheresponsibilitiesofawifeandreceivednoneoftheprivileges.Theyweredevastatedwhenthingsdidnx19tworkoutastheyx19dhoped.Ialsoknowtoomanyguyswholivedwiththeirpartneronlytoenduphomelesssleepingonafriendx19scouchandgivingupalmostalloftheirstuffoutofchivalryreallywhenthingswentawryintherelationship.Inbothsituationstheendingswereuglyanadded-onhelltoanalreadyunpleasantbreakup.Buttheseoutcomeswereinevitablebecauseeitherthecouplemovedintogetherforthewrongreasonsortherewasneveranendgoalforsharingaspace.Itellyouthissoyoudonx19tfeelguiltyaboutyourdecision.Asaconcernedgirlfriendoftwoyearssurelyyouwanttoaccommodateyourpartnerx19swishesbutitx19simportantthatyouconsiderthelong-termeffectsofhisshort-termneeds.GoodluckDemetriaL.LucasisacontributingeditortoTheRootalifecoachandtheauthorofABelleinBrooklynTheGo-toGirlforAdviceonLivingYourBestSingleLife.SheanswersyourdatingandrelationshipquestionsonTheRooteachweek.Feelfreetoaskanythingataskdemetriatheroot.com.Hex19sBrokeandReadytoShackUpbutIx19mNotAskDemetriaPassonplayinghouseuntilyoux19resuretherelationshipx14andyoux14canhandleit.PROGRAMSUCCESSx13JULY2012PAGE7